By now I think the dust is beginning to settle on what was probably one of the most fucked up weeks in Petoskey that I've seen in a long time. Most everyone knows the basics on what happened, the 2 major separations at least. I took some time to just think over some of the details, and I think maybe it's time that we had somewhat of an explanation.
The last few months for Christina and I had been the most stressful out of any in our relationship- the main problem was there was no time between us whatsoever. That led to other problems, as it would in any other relationship- but the choice that I had to make didn't involve that at all. Any loving relationship should be able to work out those kinds of issues and stick together, but we just couldn't. The real decision that I had to make was whether or not to continue onward with our relationship- knowing that she would move far away in the fall and meet a hundred new guys and have a completely different atmosphere. I knew we would fail if she moved too far away. I simply cannot do the long distance thing- especially over a significant distance. So it all boiled down to whether or not I wanted to keep it going, but I couldn't make the call. I had to know how Christina felt on the situation as well, so I waited for us to be alone and I asked her. As soon as she said she had doubts about us, I knew it was over. Something that I had tried so hard to preserve went shit out the window like I knew it would. But I can't stress enough that I still care for her, and she will always be my friend, as long as she feels the same way also. I have no idea what this entry can do for anyone except maybe clear things up or relieve at least a little bit of stress or confusion. It doesn't help me at all, but it is something that I can do.
I am, I am, I am I said I wanna get next to you I said I gonna get close to you You wouldn’t want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?
I ain’t, I ain’t, I ain’t A buyin’ into your apathy I’m gonna learn ya my philosophy You wanna know about atrocity, atrocity?
I know you want what’s on my mind I know you like what’s on my mind I know it eats you up inside I know, you know, you know, you know
I am a man, a man I’ll give ya somethin’ that ya won’t forget I said ya shouldn’t have worn that dress I said ya shouldn’t have worn that dress
I know you want what’s on my mind I know you like what’s on my mind I know it eats you up inside I know, you know, you know, you know
Here I come, I come, I come
I am, I am, I am I said I wanna get next to you I said I gonna get close to you You wouldn’t want me have to hurt you too, hurt you too?
I know you want what’s on my mind I know you like what’s on my mind I know it eats you up inside I know, you know, you know, you know I know you want what’s on my mind I know you like what’s on my mind I know it eats you up inside I know, you know, you know, you know
Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come Here I come, I come, I come
-Plain and simple: that song just Rocks. Stone Temple Pilots, Check them out. You can NOT go wrong with STP.
You know I'm starting to see a slight pattern in our circle of friends that kinda makes me wonder a little bit. I don't say this because something is wrong, I just have noticed once in a while that if I'm not with Christina, or Christina isn't around, sometimes I'm kinda hung out to dry-(NOT by anyone in particular, just in general). And I kinda start to wonder why. Our "group" is pretty infamous for being almost completely made up of couples, which is most likely a coincedence I'm sure but not completely. But sometimes it seems like you have to have your other half in order to hang out with everyone else. And I guess this hasn't really been a big deal to anyone since their "other half" is usually around when everyone hangs out, but for me Christina is gone a lot, so I kinda noticed it a little bit since we've spent so much time apart lately. Oh well, it's just something that I kinda wanted to put out there- I know it's not 100% of the time, but in a general perspective it's something worth mentioning. Maybe I just need some input on it from everyone? Tell me whatcha think.
Alright, well call me a dork for this following blog- I dont care.
I saw a headline saying they realeased a trailer for the newest Star Wars movie so I checked it out- And I must say for the first time in over 10 years I'm actually excited to see this Star Wars movie. The episode 1 movie was a disaster that killed every hope of the following ones, however the next one that came out was a bit better- mostly because it had a ton of lightsabers and Samuel L. Jackson. You can NOT go wrong with Sam L. But this movie looks fucking AWESOME!!! And for the record I can not wait to go see this movie. It comes out May 19th next year, and I swear I will be there. Thats about it- if you liked the original trilogy then you will definitely want to check this one out. If anything just watch it to see how Darth Vader becomes who he is- AND you get to see Chewbacca in his early years. Call me a dork all you want but if I can name one thing that I was ever obsessed with as a kid it would be the original Star Wars movies.
Well this blog is not meant to be a very inspirational one, but I won't rule out the possibility of it having that effect. Keep in mind if you choose to read this that these are part of my feelings, not simple thoughts. It will seem a lot deeper than usual, and as usual, it might help you to understand just a tiny bit more of what and who I am.
I guess I can start out with a brief question of sorts: How well do you think my life really is going right now? I'm a little hesitant to write this blog but for some reason tonight I feel as though I'm a little more open minded to be able to balance the good and bad in my life, see how things really are going for me.
First and foremost the thing that sticks out most in my head is my relationship with Christina. We're going on 10 months this month, and the past month has been 95% shit. And what I mean by that is 95% of the last month I have not had any time with her. Maybe 90%, but the other 5 can be explained in other means. So that begs the question... Is the relationship really doing that well? It is, but the more time I spend away from her the more drawn out and thin I feel. All of my concerns get taken away from me, and not being close to her keeps killing off parts of our relationship until I can try to put them back together again. It's not working. Every time I try to plan something, it gets called off, or she has to bail for one reason or another. I'm making the effort but it just will not work- ever. And because of all this I get drawn even farther from her. To top that all off, 100% of the time I've spent with her in the past month, has been with her parents as well. Sweetie, I'm sorry but to be honest, if it isn't obvious enough, I can only take so much of them, especially with my esteem drawing so thin. I just need you. I haven't had that in over 2 months.
So moving along: What generally seems to be the problem? I can't tell you for sure whether its a shitty chain of events, or a lack of effort in some areas, or even if it's a lack of interest. Honestly, I don't feel great when I can actually conceive the idea that my girlfriend is losing interest in me, when she even tells me she loves me almost every time I talk to her. That isn't a good thing. And by conceive I mean bring the thought to life- not just give birth to it. There is a subliminal difference in there, if you have an imagination that sees things anywhere near mine, you'll know what I mean. But I still haven't answered that question. What is it? My past? I have a twisted past I admit, there's a lot that I haven't told anyone, there's even a lot that I've chosen to forget. Could it be that my expectations of a significant other are simply fueled by experience past? I've thought of that already, and Christina proved herself to me earlier on in the relationship. However that proof is beginning to slide. Maybe that is it. Maybe she IS getting tired of me. The only way I can tell for sure is to see her read these feelings... And the simple reaction when she is finished will tell absolutely everything. In love, there is a big difference between a silent hug... and a thoughtful response. I'm tired of getting the silent hug. Save the silent hug for funerals and bad news. What I need from Christina is a thoughtful response. If you really want the respect that you think you deserve for who you are- Figure out who you are first. The difference between the silent hug and a thoughtful response is simple: Silent hugs will show your vulnerability. If you use them way too often- you're way too vulnerable. If you can think for yourself, you will inevitably give the thoughtful response. Complications are not apparent here. I left it very plain, very simple.
Now just because I've been talking about deep bad stuff, does not entirely mean that everything is bad. Christina DID prove herself to me so far, however the point of life is creating, AND BUILDING on relationships. The building part is what I am looking for. And we HAVE had that in the past. We've built up to where we were 2 months ago, and the same feeling exists today when I'm with her. I do have strong feelings for her. I still feel the same way around her, I still love her. This entry means nothing of harm to our relationship, my only hope is that it will help build in the future. I dont have a lot of time. Neither does she. That is becoming more and more apparent, and it is starting to show me that if something isn't done now, we won't last this way in the future.
In any other sense, I can deal with my work life, school life, everything else I can deal with on my own. I never worry- but hope is something I will never be able to deny. I always hope for the best, whether it's my relationship, my friends, or anything else in my life. My friends are excellent and I could NEVER ask for better friends. And for that I can give my promise that I will never forget. This might not mean a ton to you, but again... if you have an imagination like mine, it means the world. No matter how good of a friend you think you might be, might not be, best friend, good friend, girlfriend, are all friends. Just remember that this friend will not forget. My last hope that I write in here is simply to hope that this blog will do something good. Whether it's bring someone closer, bring everyone closer, or at least simply help someone. From there, I dont know what else to say.
Well today was a pretty decent day I suppose, nothing much happened up until the afternoon. I basically spent about 2 hours trying to put in 1 god forsaken storm window on the side of my house, standing 6 feet up on a ladder freezing my ass off in shorts and a T-shirt thinking it was gonna be an easy objective. I was wrong.
In the afternoon Chrissy called me, it was good to hear from her since I'd spent the whole day up to that point swearing and agonizing myself. She wanted to go to the girls' B-ball game later on so we decided that I'd call her at 7 to figure out what we were gonna do. And apparently when I called she had just gotten done with dinner (of which she had just woken up for), and hadn't gotten any of her work done. SO, basically she didnt go to the game, and I went by myself.
At the game I met up with Andrew and Shorty, later on Justin (last name beyond my knowledge) joined us for the better part of the game. It was good to see that at least somebody was there, but I guess to me it might've seemed emptier seeing as my girl has ditched out on me the last 2 times we've tried to get together. Oh well... time goes on, I gotta keep up with it.
I was mainly there to watch both Lauren and Jackie, both of which did awesome today(even though im sure they wont admit it). Jackie was beatin the crap out of the other team as usual, and hit a few nice 3's that I managed to witness.(keep in mind that that one Justin kid was being a big distraction by being abnormally strange at the game which caused me to miss a few key points of the game). Lauren had an awesome clinching effort, getting 2 key free throws and a nice block to seal the deal ;). I'm not quite sure if she ever got to throw that elbow that she wanted to, but its all good! They won by the way, ending score I believe was 50-45. I think I might be driving some people over to the game in Charlevoix next week, as it'll be their last game of the season I hear? Or something of the sort.
Well I guess thats all, I know its not much but I knew that I had to put something in here, Im not on the computer ALL that much so I gotta write what I can.
Well another day has gone by and I'm sittin here at midnight bored out of my mind- so I figured I'd write somethin.
Lately I've been lazy as all holy hell, at least it feels like it. I've been at home way too much, way more than I'd like to be which means I need to start working really fast. I did a bunch of stuff in the bathroom upstairs, replaced trim and painted a bunch-- the paint was mildew resistant, and the fumes almost put me in a coma, but I'm ok now. It's not like I had any brain cells to lose anyway. Who needs em.
Also I've been realizing lately that the more I watch movies- The more I want to make them. It's at the top of the list of my all-time dreams, and to be honest... I think it might be what I do. I never before realized the job oppurtunities that can be found in the things I like to do. For instance both music and movies. Everyone can spend as much time as they want telling me they're childhood dreams that I need to grow out of- Well Anyone with that frame of mind can go fuck themselves. "Anything you can do, or dream you can, Begin it. Boldness has Genius, Power, and Magic in it."
I have the feeling I might just be able to make my life great.
Every time I start to write in here, I end up losing everything I typed so I'm sorry if I missed anything in here, which I did, but I get so frustrated cause I lose 10 pages of typing and I dont want to type it all again. So that's why. That and I am actually on the computer... never. So yeah.
Sunday and Monday night I ended up seeing Team America, two nights in a row. It's good enough to see it multiple TIMES in a row, but I didnt have time. That movie is quite possibly the best movie ever made- Because of the fact that it's Matt and Trey's latest movie. Every single one they make gets better and better, and this one rises above anything I've ever seen. That's all I have to say about that.
Yesterday marked 9 months for Christina and I, and an overly disappointing day in the end. Lately I've been keeping busy getting practically jack shit done around the house, while also attempting to secure 2 jobs, and for some reason things just haven't gone my way yet. Too many things have either gone wrong, or just dragged out to even talk about them all, but yesterday was just rough. I woke up at 12, my mom yells up to me to run and get wood for the projects that im doing around the house, while she's home on her lunch break, since her car is the only one we can actually haul wood with. So I run to Wicks, I was there for almost an hour and had to have the car back home before 1. So that rules out visiting Christina for lunch. Then, I talk to her after school gets out and she says she has to go straight home to do homework and have a "family dinner". Sweet. After that, she has to go to debate practice, then go straight home for more homework. So on the 9 month anniversary I had zero chance to surprise her with anything whatsoever. Then, before 7 oclock my mom yells at my brother and I to go to walmart and shop for my dad's birthday present which is tomorrow- so we rush up there, while on the way we got to talking about the Team America movie and my mom decides that she really wants to go. So we spend from 7 oclock till 9 running from home to walmart then to the movie, watch the movie and go home. Right before the movie Christina sends me a message saying happy anniversary-thanks for forgetting. So that made me feel like shit- considering I was trying all day to find some way to "surprise" her in a way, she was too busy to stop by even for a few minutes, and she had no clue. So that was my day yesterday.
Today was a bit different, I decided that I wanted to take her somewhere nice, and my first thought was the Knot in Gay Harbor. I's a nice place in the middle of a communist snob lair. Anyway I gave her the choice of either that or hu-nan's, so we headed to the knot. We ate dinner, and it was good, talked a while, had a pretty decent dinner, and of course she had to go home right away and do some more homework. Honestly I think spending all day at school is enough, maybe one hour of homework a night, but 4 hours or more every night? She spends ALL night every night on homework. And if she doesn't, that's news to me. Oh well. Life moves on and even though tennis is over we still dont have any time together like I was promised.
To end it on a lighter note... That movie rules and Nobody can sanely tell me different. It is officially priceless.
Whats up people- I havent written in here for a while so I decided to put an entry in. And since I couldnt think of anything to write about I decided to put something random in here. Don't ask me how I found these.
These are lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word Pants.
1 A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. 2 You are unwise to lower your pants. 3 We’ve got to be able to get some reading on the pants up or down. 4 She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment sown to retrieve them. See to it personally commander. 5 These pants may not look much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts. 6. I find your lack of pants disturbing. 7 These pants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it. 8 Han will have those pants down. We’ve got to give him more time. 9 General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault. 10 I used to bulls eye wamp rats in my pants back home. 11 Tk-421… Why aren’t you in your pants? 12 Lock the door, and hope they don’t have pants. 13 Governor Tarkin. I recognised your foul pants when I was brought aboard. 14 You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gondar. 15 Luke… Help me take these… pants off. 16 Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants. 17 That blast came from those pants. That things operational. 18 Don’t worry. Chewie and I have got into pants more heavily guarded than this. 19 Maybe you’d like it better back in your pants your highness. 20 Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your Sister! 21 Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop there pants at the first sign of an Imperial cruiser. 22 yeah, well short pants are better than no pants at all, Chewie. 23 Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The empire have taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive 24 I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants. 25 You came in those pants? You’re braver than I thought.
I read these at like 3 in the morning one night, and I couldn't contain myself I almost couldnt hold in my laughter, even though they aren't the funniest things I ever heard, for some reason at three in the morning they were fuckin Hilarious. I dedicate these jokes to all my friends-you know who you are- cause they are the best things in my life and always will be-w00t!
Have you ever had one of those days where you are so bored that you feel like shooting yourself because its just something to do?
Today- I swear to god, is the epitomy of boredom. And to tell you the truth, its not because I spent a huge amount of time being bored, and time didnt go by extremely slow, it's the fact that I sat around so much without even knowing that I was bored... All day... I didn't even realize it until I stopped laying around.
I've also been miserable all day with fucking allergies, I dont know why but this year they seem to actually bother me. So I sat all day with a headache and blowing my nose for 14 hours straight. Only people I saw were my brother and my mom. My mom, of course, was annoying as all holy hell like usual. Every 5 minutes she called me upstairs with something stupid to do, or to just simply tell me something worthless.
Then Dell calls, talks to my mom about my computer- tells her that they "found liquid damage on the motherboard" and that it wasnt covered by my warranty. So it's getting sent back to me without ANYTHING fixed, I was without it for 3 weeks, waiting and waiting, I was ensured that they would fix it, and they didnt. In fact they are sending it back in worse condition than it was before. Shooting rampages are sometimes necessary. Now I have to fix it myself, and go underground for some extra parts in hopes that I remember how to fix computers and make it work again. I paid over 900 bucks for that computer only for it to take a shit and cost me hundreds more.
I haven't scratched the surface of whats been going on... Those are only half the problems that I myself am having... not to mention the stuff going on with everyone else. Every time I tell myself that I need a vacation things just seem to get worse.
Let me make this perfectly clear to everyone. I hope everyone I know reads this to make it so.
Jordan- Once and for all: I don't know the extra details and bullshit that is going on between Jillian, yourself, Gabe and Steph, and everyone else. Let's get one thing straight. All of my friends are the people you two are fighting with. You two have created an entire blog for the sole purpose of slandering them. They haven't said ANYTHING to me about you, except for what you have done to them. They dont make shit up, and lie to everyone they can and create rumors for the purpose of making themselves look better than you. Any of this sound familiar? I know what I'm talkin about. I have no respect for you right now because of what you've done to them. I don't give a shit about rumors, about herpes, about whatever the fuck you can throw at me. What defines a man? It's not what he has, who he's with, or where he is- It's the choices he makes. Your choices are full of shit. That is what I talk about when I ever talk about you. So I know exactly what I'm talking about.
Now here's the deal. It's up to you, whether you want to just drop it where we're at, and not let this get any worse, or you can continue on with the bullshit way of handling things that you have been up to lately. If you feel like growing up- then maybe you can talk to me and explain a few things that you think I'm missing. Until then don't ever try anything on me. All of that immature name-calling might seem effective in high school... but if you think you can bring this any further than it already is- You got another thing comin.
Im so pissed right now, but not pissed off type of pissed... I'm pissed on the inside...
I came home today, my brother and his friends were leaving to go to some cottege thing for the night or something, I dont care what they were doing they were just not HERE. So I thought in my head- Sweet I can play some guitar and maybe watch a good movie or something tonight. After that, I asked my mom if she had watched "Hellboy" yet cause I had rented it and it was sitting on the TV. She hadn't seen it so she told me to put it in. So I sat on the couch and started watching it with my mom. Let me bring you up to speed on me and my mom. I work a lot, and when I'm not at work, I'm with Christina and/or friends, so I'm not at home much- and believe me, I hear about it a lot. So I figured this was one way for us to be in the same room for a couple hours. Well that was all screwed from the start as my mom was busying herself with paperwork or something during the movie- missed everything and had to ask me 50 questions in the first 20 minutes. Then about halfway through it, a bunch of girls barge into the house and tell my mom that they're going to clean the basement and have their stupid fucking party down there, instead of this cabin Idea they had. So my mom jumps up and HELPS them clean the fucking basement. Right then I went downstairs and grabbed a couple guitars and my equipment and went straight up to my room and played for about a half hour, the movie was still running mind-you. I came back down and the ending was on and my mom was sitting in her chair doing work. So I came on here. The movie ended and she said "well they left that open for a sequel didn't they?".
I'm just pissed... cause she bitches about me not being around- but when Chris' friends wanna get drunk in our basement she literally jumps up to clean for them instead of spending time with me. Awesome. She abandons the movie and everything, leaves it running, just so that she can clean up and help my brother's friends get drunk faster. Did I mention my brother wasnt even here at that point? He was off getting alcohol while they claimed the basement. Fuck this. Now I remember why I always hated this house.
I never can think of titles so Im gonna talk gibberish from now on. lagfkldhklh[fashgkfbjklasdhjasdh
Hey all, its about 1:20 in the morning and holy shit--- I actually feel like I can sleep!!!
Basically the lo-down for today is that I finally feel like I can sleep right now- at least I think. And if I'm right then I'll be able to take tomorrow and make the best day I've had in years out of it. We'll see.
Christina has been kinda back and forth on me lately, we've had a bunch of arguments/fights going on and we can't seem to shake it- And I seriously feel like I'm the main problem. I've lost so much sleep lately that HAS to be a factor in my behavior, and all the stress from work that I cant seem to escape is affecting us too. Sometimes I feel like a total jerk even when I know I shouldn't, I can't seem to help it. But tomorrow I hope to turn the tides around and see what I can do in less than a day to help the spirits. Wish me luck?! lol. I'll letch'yall know how it went sometime later on- my laptop wont be fixed for a looong time so thats why my entries are few and far between. I'll do my best! Peace guys!
well today, with the exception of you-know-what, was a really great day. Christina and I went to the fair as planned, and simply spent a lotta time together. I guess the most significant things about it were when I won her the giant monkey!!! w00000t!!! The thing is literally as big as her and I put together... that monkey is ridiculously large!!! I won it at the stand where you try to get a ring around one of the bottle necks in the middle of the stand, after 10 bucks worth of rings I finally got it- and the giant monkey. So w00t for the giant monkey! After that we took a ride on the ferris wheel- not sure if I spelled that right- and thankfully didnt get yelled at by the ornary dude runnin the thing.
Ohhh oh, and afterwards we had a little time to burn so we went and visited Dani at Butt-Pirate's Cove to play some free putt-putt, I'd never been there before so I figured eh, what the hell. It's a nice place, but its not as challenging as American Adventures. PLUS we got go karts, batting cages, driving range and water wars... boo yah. Hehe, after some putt putt we realized that the waterfalls made us want to swim- so we went, walked into the water and then walked out, then we had just a little bit of quality Chrissy 'n' Matty time. I got to see her a lot today, which is exactly what I needed, and still do.
Tonight I was almost sure that I was gonna go watch the girls' first basketball game of the season, but I got called to walmart to buy a new phone with my family (multi-phone deal) and while I was there John called me askin for a ride, and we agreed... at least I THINK we agreed to meet at my house, problem is I didnt get here till like 7:10 and I think he mighta had to take off in order to get there on time, I'm not sure what happened cause his phone is all sucky, but eh, its alright I can get some quality time in at home tonight that way I guess. Hope the girls are doin good!
Im gonna be without my Chrissy this weekend, at least till sunday, she's takin off to a tennis tournament downstate in Okemos and she gets to see Gabe and Steph, so they can keep an eye on her for me ;) Hehe. I guess I'll have to sleep till 2 every day and let work fill in the rest. I work with Annie for 2 nights, so that wont be bad at all. Anywho I'm travelin downstairs to play some guitar or somethin, aw CRAP I gotta take care of the computer situation too. Maybe I'll call about that tonight. Later all!
The one thing I've lied about in my life... I did it in the beginning as a stupid idea to "gain status" among several of people... I should have known better... I DO know better... but in the end... the stupid mistake I made effected me and the closest one to me in a way I could have never imagined... I lied about sex... I told someone I was not a virgin... and before I knew it I was lieing to keep my "reputation" at the time. I look back on it as the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I consider myself a virgin right here and now, as someone who has not committed sexual intercourse... and now, after over 7 months of dating this absolutely wonderful person... I finally realize what I've been doing. Living a lie. Only now do I realize how it looks... how she feels... I'm shaking in fear because I couldnt bear myself any longer- I had to call her and tell her. I woke her up at 3:45 and broke the news to her... and I sicken myself every second I think about what I've done. What originated as a stupid lie for stupid reasons... turns into a possibility that I fear nearly with my life... I've hurt Christina more than I can imagine myself EVER doing... I damn myself forever and only hope she can forgive me... The song I pasted below is the only thing I can listen to... I post the lyrics to show only a little of how I feel... Im so sorry Christina... I'm a horrible person and I can barely begin to imagine how much I so badly want to make this better... make it up to you... I dont want to lose you... Please forgive me...
I haven't written in a while... oh boy theres way too much to write about, I'll see if I can touch on it all.
There was a moth floppin around on my kitchen floor a second ago... so I let him outside.
k...
Tomorrow I got the day off again!!! Christina and I are gonna go to the fair in town here, spend a nice day together before she has to go to practice. I certainly miss the good days of being free to spend as much time as I want with those I love... One of those feelings that I cant wait at all to experience with Christina... One of the best things I've noticed to experience with a girl is when I hold them tight and snuggle together so that our faces are like one inch away from each other- Well Christina is the BEST at that... It's a little tough to explain but... Over the years I've never met anyone that can make me feel anything near what she does when we're that close. It's quite possibly one of my favorite things... I guess I can just sum it up as when she's that close... her eyes get all glazed over in a way... and its just so cute when she smiles and her cheeks get a little red... holding something like that gives off a feeling that could punch through a brick wall-In a good way.
Other stuff thats been going on? Eh... I kinda forgot it all! Got too busy thinking of Chrissy... hmm well I can start with some semi-sad news... too bad everyone knows, but Steph and Gabe moved downstate last weekend... it leaves an empty feeling knowing that I cant call em up and ask them to hang out on a random night, but they're movin on to better things and will still be able to hang out actually pretty often. Being only 3 hours-ish away its not too hard to make a road trip once in a while.
But good news is Jackie is back home again! And Peter is back now too! A lot of crazy stuff has been happening lately and I feel as though it's gonna get mixed up a little bit more before we all settle down... but anyway it should be interesting to see how everybody will mix together in the near future. Like I've said before, change is inevitable, however life is all about building relationships and no matter what there is always something good to be found out of even the worst situations. The best thing is- there isnt a worst situation we're just changing stuff around a whole bunch. Enough of my rambling, LoL!
I have way too much damn energy and its 3 in the morning... why am I such a night person... its starting to get ridiculous...
Anyway thats about all I can think of... I guess I have to go and try to force myself to sleep up in bed, by the way my laptop has crapped on its last legs... so I gotta send it in to Dell and get it replaced before my warranty is up... great fun!!!
Well I tried to type this earlier today before work but it all deleted itself somehow so Ima try again. For those of you who dont really like my blog- good news! Im gonna change it around a bit more. Ok so on to the non stupid stuff.
Saturday ruled. Thats all I have to say 'bout that. I had a huge paragraph that got deleted and I dont wanna go through it all again- but ask me in person or on the phone or something and I'll tell you about it if you wanna know.
Sunday was strange, yet fun. Till I went to work. That blew. But after a while Chrissy brought Steph and Emily out to see me, that was really cool. I hadn't seen Em in a long time, and I've seen her like 4 times max this summer, it was cool to see her again. She was a little quiet but I understand :). I hope I get to see her again in the near future before we all spread apart for college. Later on Gabe showed up with his lil' sis'. That was pretty fun, she got to ride the go-karts for the first time ever, she ended up doin pretty decent for not having driven anything in her life! Hehe. Then they all played waterwars and she slipped and fell :(. But it ended up bein aright, after all she IS related to Gabe, whom even though it may not look like it at first glance, is one of the toughest kids I know.
Sunday morning however I went to breakfast with my mom and Christina. Then while waiting in line we get a hold of Lauren and we ask her to come join us at the pancake house in bay harbor. For The Record: Women suck ASS at giving directions. So after we spend 20 minutes getting Lauren to the right place, I call John and ask him to come too. We get a hold of him and after another short story of how to get there, I finally just grab the phone and say "call me when you get close". Anywho he ended up getting there without a problem whatsoever, and we ate a shitload of food that rocked our worlds. It felt really good to see those guys again, John and Lauren are awesome and I dont know what I'd do without em.
Today at work everyone showed up again to drive some karts and stuff before I got outta workin, Gabe, Steph, Jackie and Christina all came in and we had some fun on the karts for a while. It may be boring sometimes for some people to visit me out there, sometimes I may seem a little out of it- only because I have to stay focused while I'm at work cause the first minute I stray away I'm either gonna have problems with customers or fellow employees get pissed. I dont like to leave people hangin. Anyway I know sometimes it can be wierd or boring, but I absolutely love it when people come to see me. It feels so good to see a friendly face around there, when 90% of the people I deal with are asshole pompous pricks who think they own the place cause they live in bay harbor or something. It makes my day just to see one person come visit me, and sometimes a whole bunch do! Thanks guys... for what it's worth.
This Thursday is gonna be the 7 month mark for Chrissy and I, I feel really good about it b/c obviously this is the best relationship I've ever had, and to tell you the truth out of all the things I've done and seen in my life this experience has had a lotta completely new stuff comin at me, both good and bad. Lots of it has been really good, and I'm interested to see where all this can go, how all this can tie itself together. Christina is so fun to date, mostly because I have so much trouble with her!! hehe. For some reason, even though there have been a lotta rough times, I look back on them and think of them as fun. All those fights and stuff are just life's little issues getting tackled or trampled over I should say. And even though people get discouraged when I say that this summer hasn't met its full potential yet, I still say it, because I'm the one who dares to dream. And to be honest, I think there's a lot more to experience waiting for everyone, including Christina and I. So many experiences and so little time, I just wish I had the money and the time. Money and time, both things that we all struggle way too much for. Join the crowd.
And I know I can't do any shout outs without including one specific one in there, and I saved it for the last one Jackie, so be Proud!!! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! Hehe! I shouted for yah Kiddo! But on the more serious note, I dont know what the world would be without Jackie. There's no replacing any of my friends whatsoever, and that fact can't be nailed down any harder than it is for her. Out of everyone I know, she's the most effective person at cheering me up or putting a smile on my face no matter what is going on, and I'm sure that goes the same for everyone around her. Jackie you Rule, don't let anyone else ever tell you different.
Oh my god I wrote so much and it all just got deleted... Im so pissed... I gotta go to work now but I'll for sure come back and write it again later... So much writing... down the drain...
K... well Everybody seems to be doing this so screw it- I'm bored. You guys gotta leave more comments and stuff. or actually check these things once in a while at least. lol.
+name: Matt
+best characteristic: k, I dont really rate myself. LoL Good first question!!
+first crush: If I remember correctly... that would be... one of two people. Either one person who we wont mention- or Kayla Fry. +piercings: not into that whole S&M thing. +boyfriend/girlfriend now: Christiner :P +number of times i have had my heart broken: Good lord lost count
+hearts i have broken: too many for comfort... +age i had my first real kiss: Dont remember- most likely 12. +who was it with: Dont know really. +do you still talk to them: .... +what were u doing 15 mins ago: reading Lauren's version of this
+what are u wearing now: nothing at all.... +u shy or outgoing: Both +sleep with stuffed animals: Pillows need love too!! +what do you want from a partner: Real Love. Trust, honesty and good characteristics come from real love. +feature you notice first: Anything. I like a good laugh :) +tan or fair: if you try to get as tan as possible every summer cause you think it's "in"- then I dont like you. LoL! +likes flirts: Oh boy... +would you ever date a friend: yes
RELATIONSHIPS +do u have a crush: stupidass question +how long was your longest relationship: 8 months I believe +what is your favorite thing to do with that special someone: Close my eyes and feel their presence... I'm weird like that. +what is the best present you've gotten from someone: Can't tell
+what one quality do u like best in the opposite sex: Too many to pick favorites. +ever been in love: Many a times. I'm human, remember?
FAVORITES +color: cant really pick. +thing to do: Music- Movies- Outdoor stuff, Fourwheelers and Guns!! LoL +clothes: Uh... clothes that fit... +ocean or pool: whatever fits your fancy +favorite movie: Way too many to choose. The original Star Wars movies were my favorites when I was a kid I hear. +love or lust: um... put them together. +silver or gold: I'm not a real gold kinda guy. +diamonds or pearls: Why the hell do I have to pick. Diamonds are forever. +food: good food +current song: Lots. I enjoy "Don't Damn Me" by Guns N' Roses. +holiday: Christmas? +animal: Wolf +drink: V-twist Cherry Bombs +perfume: ... I dont know... I like the smell of girls... wtf kinda question is that for a guy. +cologne: whatever Geoffrey wears... wait no He's the gay one not me. Ooooops!!!!
+activity: Playing music +fruit: What the hell is a Clementine? +Room In house: uh.. basement? +Type of music: Rock, heavy metal (NOT death metal) a select few others +Memory: If I had all of my memory I'd tell yah. +Day of the Week: Wednesday. It's hump day- you gotta love hump day. +Flower: Venus Fly Trap- It's kewl it eats flies. +Month: What the hell kinda crap is that. +Season: uh... summer when its not being stupid. +Location for dates: in the middle of a crowded intersection. Seriously if you can have fun with me in a place like that then we are meant to be together. +u wish u could live somewhere else: In a van down by the river... Definitely not california. Too many taxes and pollution. Till I get 10 million dollars I aint livin near there. +u want more tattoos: Maybe- never know. +u like cleaning: Whats to like or not like... just clean what you need to clean and get on with life... +bush or kerry: Kerry can rot in hell. George W. may not be brilliant but he's not the one bitching about other politicians and playing the popularity game. Im sick of politics.
HAVE YOU EVER +cried when someone died: Yes +drank alcohol: Good lord. +lied: take a wild guess
+fallen for your friend: several times +rejected someone: too many times :( +used someone: Never. NEVER. +been cheated on: certainly.
+cheated on someone: never. +done something u regret: Never. Never regret anything. Lessons are learned hard, but they make you stronger. Never regret becoming stronger. +could u live without the computer: Yes, but It'd be a big change. +how many peeps are on your buddylist: quite a few, not a huge number anymore. +like watching sunrises or sunset: sometimes- its tough to sit still sometimes. I'm not very good at that... I have a tendency to move a bunch. +trust others way too easily: too easily? I trust when I feel they deserve it. I think I've pretty much perfected that whole aspect. +Gotten in a fight: Several brawls yes. Brawls are fun. +Been to New York: I will soon enough +Been to Florida: Sarasota in my earlier years, collected shark teeth :D +Been to san francisco: no senor een to Hawaii: Fuck all 'yall who have been to hawaii +Been to Mexico: No mayn +Been to China: Chinatown bitch! +Been to Canada: of course +Danced naked: See: Ever Drank Alcohol? +Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened: story of my life. +Wish you were the opposite sex: One time I had an interesting revelation that it would be nice, just cause I know how I treat the opposite sex and all, and it'd be interesting to find out how it seems from the other side.
+danced like a frickin idiot: Whenever I dance... yeah nevermind I dont dance. +went to a movie: Movies are my life!!! +wished u were somebody else: Notta chance. +were depressed: Aint gonna lie to yah- fuck yeah. +where would you love to travel to: Moscow, Siberia, Sydney, Hong Kong, and Anchorage. +whats your middle name: for me to know and you to find out beetches!!
DO YOU, HAVE YOU'S AND WHAT ABOUT YOU'S +do you have a cell phone: Who doesnt.. (sowwy Jackie) +whats your online screen name: Blairinator- "renew our faith anyway we can.... to fall in love with life again..." its a lyric from a really good 'tallica song. +what do u want to do with your life: Anything musical or even movies. I love movies and music what can I say. +last time u went to the doctor: hmm... dont remember. +do u consider yourself a "nice" person: Judge me only if you are ready to be judged yourself. +what are you scared of: fear
+do u believe in angels: I believe in the adjective, hows that. +do u think you’re spoiled: Nope, Im proud to earn what I have. +have u seen the exorcist: long time ago
FINISH THE SENTENCE +in the morning i am: tired as hell +all i need is: sexual heeeeealin baaaaaby +love is: a pain in the ass :P +if i could see one person right now: I wouldnt be alone. +i dream about: you dont want to know what I dream about...
DO YOU +play an instrument: Guitar, bass, drums(sorta), and Cowbell +read the newspaper: Should, but no +believe in miracles: If thats what you want to call them, sure. +like the taste of alcohol: Yep. +have any secrets: A Lifetime of secrets that sometimes I dont even know. +wish on stars: No. I earn what I get, wishes got me nowhere before when I needed them the most.
+believe in ghosts: believe? I have ideas. +like sarcasm: depends on how you use it. +sing in the shower: Hell no, I only sing when people cant hear me ;) +sit on the internet all day: no, but im always signed on. +save aol/aim conversations: it automatically does I think. I dont try to. +cried because of someone saying something to u: uh- no +color ur hair: when it gets wet it turns black........ +ever get off the damn computer: well technically Im not ON it. So screw that. +habla espanol: que? +coke or pepsi: PEPSI ALL THE WAY BEEITCHES!!! +flowers or candy: I'd say about even. +scruff or clean shaven: uh...I prefer my girls not to have a beard, thank you.
WHO +makes u laugh the most: hmm... gotta give it up to Jackie! +makes you smile: Everyone +gives u a funny feeling when u see them: wtf does that mean. a funny feeling... like what? I feel pissed when I see go-karters and fudgies... does that count? man screw that. +has a crush on u: Apparently so... +Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: well, not really. Love is a strong word for it. +Have You Ever Cried over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: No. +Do you have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: I'm not a poser, if that's what you mean. If I like the person, I pursue it. +Ever liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: of course. +Are You Lonely Right Now: Yes... nobody ever stays up late its depressing... :( +Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: No. Whats the rush? It doesnt change too much, just makes it official. +Do You Want To Get Married: Yep. +Do You Want Kids: Eventually. I think I'd be a decent father down the road. But there has to be time for fun first eh? Red or blue: Both, why not? +Spring or fall: Spring that means theres a whole summer ahead. +Santa or Rudolph: Rudolph is a Pimp. +Math or English: Math blows big floppy donkey dick. Fuckin logarythyms. +What are you going to do after you finish this survey: Sit in bed and waste consciousness +High school or college: What are you asking... figure out a question then ask- Tard!!! +Are you bored: Why do you think im doing this right now. +How many buddies are on: um, zero cause everyone is asleep. +Last movie you saw: The Village with the mexi-melt and the collective unit known as Gabe and Steph. Movie was overrated. +Last noise you heard: A raccoon farted outside after eating from my garbage can. WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT I LAST HEARD!? +What do you think of Ouija boards: I wanna put one on a guitar like good 'ol Kirk Hammet. +What book are you reading now: The book of revelation. yah know, good old fashioned children's stories. +Favorite board game: 2X4 +Favorite magazine: Maxim has some good writers... I dont read any magazines though. +Worst feeling in the world: Unnamed feeling. +What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning: "Shiiit" +Future daughter's name: Saija (pronounced sage-ah) either that or something nice like Ashley or Emily. +Future son's name: Jack... or something to that effect. +Chocolate or vanilla: Both, either or. +If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be: either lead/rythym guitarist in a band, or a movie director/actor. +Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous: Mostly righthand, slightly ambidextrous. +type with your fingers on the right keys: what the hell does that mean. I type fine. +What's under your bed: box spring mattress, and a couple of BB guns, I dont own a large caliber pistol yet :D +eye Color: Change between blue and green- sometimes appear silvery. +Height Currently: 5'10", 5'11" +Glasses/contacts: Used to wear glasses, then I didnt need them anymore.... dont ask
+Current Age: 18 +Siblings: Brother Chris, +Hobbies: Guitar, Outdoor stuff, swordfighting(yeeah Brendan!) And arguing. +Are You Timely or Always Late: eh, Im on time when I really want to be I guess. Im not too good at that sometimes, I'm SO not a morning person. +Do You Have a Job: Dont ask... sons of bitches..... +Do You like Being around People: All of my friends keep me alive. Any questions?
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU +Cried: No +Bought Something: Durr... +Gotten Sick: Dunno
+Sang: Yep. +Said I Love You: Yep. +Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: Actually a whole bunch. +Met Someone New: Every day. +Talked To Someone: No I'm a mute. ..........idiot.......... +Had A Serious Talk: Sure +miss someone: Lauren and John!!! I wanna see you guys damnit! +Hugged Someone: Yeep! Hugs save lives!
+Kissed Someone: Yessum +Fought With Your Parents: Not really. +Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: +Had a lot of sleep: Oh yeah... I've had all 2 hours a night :D
LAST PERSON WHO +Slept in your bed: Hm... I dont remember.... so stupid.... +Made you cry: well this one guy said my hair was messed up... wtf man... cant they come up with more creative questions than this crap? +You went to the mall with: Christina's Mom and my mom... that was interesting. +Sent you a comment on tblog: uh... Long time since... nobody ever uses these anymore its sad. +Said they were going to kill you: Randy at work. He gonna die.
FINAL QUESTIONS +i want: a Million bucks +i wish: I had a license to kill +I miss: John and Lauren... Havent seen a lotta people but those guys stick out a bunch. +i fear: fear itself. +i wonder: How many people know that I would damn near die for them if not So.
Hola peeps. Damn there's a lot to talk about but I suppose I'll just keep it basic.
I'm kinda sad today cause Christina left for Beaver Island with her cousins to visit Kate, I wanted to go really bad, but her mom said it was "innappropriate" if we stayed in the same house overnight... yeah one word for you: PROM BITCH!!! ok that's two words but you catch my drift. In any case I know that I'll never get another chance to go there... I wont ever have the time or oppurtunity again. :( I am in a desparate need of vacation... Work gets more and more on my nerves every single day... I lose more and more sleep every night, more idiots keep pissing me off by the minute it seems. Sometimes I wish I had a license to kill. That'd be real nice... :twisted:
The reason I'm sad though is because that means Christina is gone for 2 days, comes back wednesday( I work wednesday) and then leaves thursday morning for 4 or 5 days again to California for a wedding of a friend of her mom's or something. And the past week and a half she's had to spend time with her cousins no matter where she goes, so I haven't had 2 minutes of alone time with her in the past 2 weeks, and wont for another week. I wont even get to see her for more than 20 minutes till next week, that's just a long time without alone time, then add time that I dont even get to see her, it adds up. I kinda wish Chrissy woulda stopped by work today before they left... oh well.
I also hear through the 'ol grapevine that Jackie is back too! So that's pretty kewl. And Lauren is back from Nationals, but she leaves this weekend for her annual Tigers game trip and such. I have to cover for her brother at work for that... bastard... Hehe.
Oh well, time goes on, unfortunately I have to keep up with it.
So wake up, sleepy one It's time to save your world
Steal dreams and give to you Shoplift a thought or two All children touch the sun Burn fingers one by one, by one
Will this earth be good to you? Keep you clean or stain through?
So wake up, sleepy one It's time to save your world You're where the wild things are Toy soldiers off to war
Big eyes to open soon Believing all under sun and moon But does heaven know you're here? And did they give you smiles or tears? No, no tears
Will this earth be good to you? Keep you clean or stain through?
So wake up, sleepy one It's time to save your world You're where the wild things are Toy soldiers off to war
You swing your rattle down Call to arms, the trumpets sound Toy horses start the charge Robot chessmen standing guard
Hand puppets storm the beach Fire trucks trapped out of reach Hand puppets storm the beach Fire trucks trapped out of reach All clowns reinforce the rear Slingshots fire into the air All clowns reinforce the rear Slingshots fire into the air Stuffed bears hold the hill till death Crossfire from the marionettes Stuffed bears hold the hill till death Crossfire from the marionettes We shall never surrender
All you children touch the sun Burn your fingers one by one Will this earth be good to you? Keep you clean or stain through?
So wake up, sleepy one It's time to save your world You're where the wild things are Toy soldiers off to war Off to war Off to war
I absolutely love this song... I know that not a lot of you are huge fans of metallica but I just love their style, the lyrics are all 100% clever and stylish (with the exception of St. Anger) and the riffs are heavy yet inventive, they use just the right balance to keep their music metal, but clean. Clean Heavy Metal you might say. It's not like those other bands out there that think hitting drop D over and over and screaming "BWAAAHH BLAWWWWW" and such. Hehe oh well, I really love this stuff thats all.
Oh yes, the guitar is finally done... after over 2 months of trying to work on it... It is finished as of 2:30 today. once I finish putting it back together and get it runnin again I'll see what I can do for putting some pictures of it on here, till then I can just describe it to you.
First of all, its a Gibson Explorer '76 reissue. I bought it off ebay for 500 bucks as it was in bad shape paint-wise, but the guitar itself was and still is amazing. Probably the best sounding guitar I've ever heard for the exception of a select few acoustic guitars, and this one is electric. Around 2 months ago I discovered some Chameleon paint that changes color from green, to blue, to dark blue or almost purple(it doesnt look purple though.. ;) ) hehe but anyway I have had many setbacks in the process, including the base coat going insane on me, but finally I managed to get all the paint finished, AND the Clear coat put on. At approximately 5 O'clock today I will be able to bring it in and outfit it with the hardware and put some strings on it n' start playin'. Pics will be available soon in every angle so that you can see the awesome and completely original paint job. You won't be able to find this guitar anywhere else... ;) :twisted:
It really is simple. I dont have a political party, you all know how I feel about that. All I know is what is shown before me. What I've said is true, I have a big problem with the way most democrats handle the Bush Administration and their "watchdog" duties. I find it absolutely ridiculous to protest the war. I have a huge problem with people endlessly finding ways to take down the president- it is a trend that started with him winning the election and grew to almost the entire democratic party. Yes, everybody has a say. But I will NOT sit here and listen to you talk about something that is not morally right. I will stop listening if you try to justify something that goes against morals. I'm sure you'd all do the same thing. Some things I will listen to. Like Bush's intelligence, yeah, you're right- he's not smart. I agree. He lied? Maybe. Even if he did, weigh it out and you'll see that one lie saved hundreds of thousands of people in the process. Possibly millions, who knows what could have happened. So Saddam didn't have WMD, what was to stop him from getting some? Would you liberals have let us go to war if he re-invaded Kuwait and started killin people again? I argue on the side of morals- Not just to argue. You people are closed minded to morals and I find it ridiculous. Come back when you have something real to fight for, instead of burning down your leader.
